Freedom or Shackles?

Self-concept… Who do you think you are? What defines it? The activities you like to do? Or maybe it is a combination of your proclivities… tidy, trustworthy, fun, bubbly, blunt, good at conversation, careful, brash… It would have to include the things you are good at, right? I consider myself a good cook, but a rather poor athlete. So, do the things you don’t consider yourself good at make up part of your self concept? Most people think they are bad at math, maybe you are bad at confrontation, or drawing, maybe building things…

Why does it seem that the things we are bad or good at, are things we also consider to be things that we cannot change about ourselves?

It is like they are in-born, a pre-disposition, that we cannot or care not to change.

 

So, when a child gets a label… diagnosed with a disability, how does that affect their personality and self-concept. Do they take that and make it an unchangeable characteristic, or see it as a challenge to try to do those sorts of tasks that they are bad at differently using a skill they are good at?

 

Does a child who has dyslexia just simply think they are bad at reading, that they will always struggle with it? Sure, they could, especially if they see reading as just one huge, insurmountable, and frustrating task. It could keep them from trying new things and growing.

 

On the other hand… what if knowing that the child had dyslexia allowed him to approach reading differently… that with some determination and perseverance, the child became a novelist?

 

It is really best served by an example. Strictly speaking, I have a form of dyslexia, dyscalculia, and dysgraphia. (I know, intense!) The problem really it wasn’t that I have problems with all reading, writing, and arithmetic tasks, or that I can’t learn to do them at all.

 

In fact, it turns out that I simply learned to do math my own way, since math is really a wholly consistent system, I just took the proverbial scenic route.

 

Thing is, I never had a diagnosis as a child… but as I have mentioned before, I always knew something was wrong, and it created serious problems for me.

 

Since my diagnosis, a couple interesting things have happened. That label allowed me to honestly look at myself in a way I had never done before.

 

It has allowed me to let go of the things I simply can’t do… and in letting go, I can do them differently. It was never the task that was the problem… I can read just fine, but I have to do it slowly, and interact with it differently. I can write, but if I have to hand write I know I cannot compose well, hand me a computer and a good chunk of time, and I am far from disabled.

 

Now I have enough information to understand why I have challenges and how I can take the task on differently.

 

Thing is, I could have done none of the growing I have, in the last year without my diagnosis… I didn’t have a mirror, or a good idea of how typical it was for me to be doing tasks as I did. I also could not let go.

We are taught that we can do anything if we try hard enough… and finally being able to give myself permission to say, “I cannot try any harder without killing myself.” is something that changed my life. 

 

I had freedom to stop doing something without that meaning I was a bad person.

It also meant that all the failures I’ve experienced in the past, all the hurt I had to go through, it wasn’t my fault, it wasn’t a consequence of not trying hard enough.

 

I can see how having that excuse, would be a great temptation not to challenge yourself, or try new things… I can see how it can keep you from growing to your full potential.

 

I can see how having a new way of looking at yourself can allow you to flourish and grow in ways you could not without that label.

 

So, does labeling create restraints on a person or does it allow them to know themselves and thus grow?

 

I think the answer is not just yes or no, because I think it can do both.

I also think that assuming that depriving a person of their diagnosis, in fear of restraining their self-concept, prevents that person from being able to make this life their own.

 

Do you not tell a person they have a brain-tumor because it could change what they want to do with their life, that it might depress them? Is it fair to deprive them of their own decision to face (or flee) their own fate?